9-Way Street
by verdantflammabledevice
Summary: In yet another attempt to escape with their lives, Dipper and Mabel come across an interesting group of people, namely Mordecai and the gang. Now they're in a race against the clock to save their new friends, themselves, and possibly the world from certain doom. NOTE: I don't own Gravity Falls or Regular Show.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm surprised that there aren't that many of these crossovers. Gravity Falls and Regular Show are very similar, and yet so different. But that's the best part about crossovers, I guess!**

* * *

Chapter 1

Once again, Dipper Pines was in over his head.

And, once again, it wasn't his fault.

It wasn't his fault that the infamous gremloblin had decided to try for a rematch. It wasn't his fault he'd had to steal- sorry, _borrow_- the keys to the Mystery Cart in order to evade the monstrosity. It wasn't even his fault he'd almost run over Robbie in the process, although he wouldn't have minded a _little_ accidental injury.

And it certainly wasn't his fault that Mabel had tagged along.

"You know," she said with her arms folded, "you didn't have to take the keys to the cart. You could have walked. We have a giant energy crisis in our modern world and it wouldn't have hurt to-"

_"Actually,_ Mabel," he interrupted, momentarily glancing behind him at the giant monster, "it _would_ have hurt. This thing runs crazy fast, and I'd be monster food right now if I'd walked! Why are you even here again?"

"I need a ride to Grenda's house," she said. "Her house is on the route you take every time you drive for your life, so I figured I'd just hang at her place."

Dipper squinted and looked straight ahead. "Um... that is not going to be a possibility."

"Huh?" Mabel followed his gaze and saw what he saw.

The road was closed.

"Oh, Dipper, what the heck?"

"It's not my fault the pterodactyl wanted revenge!" he returned. "I think I actually killed it this time, though."

"Well, _that's_ progress," she sighed. "Dino genocide. I'm so proud of you."

"Don't be too proud yet!" He swerved to the left and slammed through a gate into an alley. "The gremloblin can't follow us through here!"

"Where does it lead?" she yelled.

"If my calculations are correct, it should lead to the lake!" He floored the gas and sped out of the alley.

Into the forest.

"I hate your calculations," Mabel said as she heard the roar of the creature, obviously much closer.

Dipper facepalmed himself. "I forgot it has wings!"

Mabel suddenly noticed the cart's engine was much louder than usual. Either that, or there was another cart somewhere. She looked to her right and saw that there was another cart driving alongside them, but Dipper caught her attention before she could see who was driving.

"Duck!" he yelled. They put their heads down as a green fireball flew through the cart, barely charting the edges.

"What the heck is this thing?" yelled someone in the other cart. His voice gave away that he was much older than the twins, ten years at least.

"A gremloblin!" Dipper replied. "Half gremlin, half goblin!"

Mabel heard a loud groan. "Why does everything happen to us?"

_"Tell_ me about it!"

"What do we do?"

"Follow me!" Dipper turned the cart to the right and sped along the dirt trail. Mabel heard the other cart following them, and the gremloblin right behind them.

"Where are we going?" Mabel asked.

"You'll see! Just trust me!"

Another few fireballs flew past the carts, and everyone screamed. Judging by the voices, Dipper estimated there were three people in the other cart.

Finally he reached the place he was trying to get to.

The superstore.

"There!" He took a hand off the wheel and pointed. "Head for that!"

"All right!" yelled someone in the other cart, presumably the driver.

The two carts reached the giant building. The Mystery Cart toppled onto its side, and the other cart sounded like it was doing donuts on the asphalt.

Dipper heard the gremloblin roar in anger and stomp away.

"Whoa!" Mabel exclaimed. "How'd you know he'd do that?"

"Mythical creatures hate propaganda," he replied simply. "It messes with their chi."

Mabel stood up and wiped dust off her brown alarm clock sweater. "I don't know what that means, but ok."

"Chi is basically your inner sense of balance and order." It was the voice of one of the guys in the other cart.

"Thanks," Dipper said. "I would have explained it in a way no one could understand."

"I'm Rigby, by the way," the guy said, although Dipper still couldn't see him.

"Dipper Pines."

"And I'm his sister Mabel!"

"Pines?" Rigby sounded uneasy.

"Uh... yeah," Dipper said. "Why?"

"Uh... no reason, dude."

Dipper stood up and walked over to the cart to see what the guy looked like. He finally came into view, and they both gasped when they saw each other.

He was so shocked that he barely even noticed the brown raccoon that tackled him and pinned him to the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Despite having encountered some of the strangest things known to man, Dipper couldn't help but think, _Wow. Anthropomorphic raccoon. That's new._

It certainly was. As it pinned him to the ground, Dipper noticed the obvious opposable thumbs and that it was standing on its hind legs.

Of course, none of this compared to what came next.

The raccoon turned its head to the side and yelled back to the other golf cart, "Hey, Mordecai! It's one of those spies Benson was talking about!"

Dipper looked over at the golf cart, only to see a large blue and white figure emerge from it. It appeared to be a giant blue jay, and he, like his raccoon friend, was humanoid.

"Whoa, really?" Judging by how he'd responded, this must be Mordecai. "Sweet! Now all we have to do is radio Benson and he'll bring in the troops!"

Mordecai walked over and got a good look at Dipper. The preteen boy, realizing that his sister would be no help in this, tried to get them to listen to reason.

"I'm not a spy!" he said, his voice quivering. "Please let me go!"

"That's what they all say," Rigby returned.

Mordecai frowned. "I don't know, dude. He doesn't look like a spy."

"Of _course_ he doesn't," Rigby said. "He's in disguise! But it's not a very good one. He's got the East Pines logo on his hat!"

Dipper understood why, between his name and his hat, he seemed like a prime suspect.

"No!" he yelled. "That's just a coincidence! I don't even know what you're talking about!"

"I'm sure. Thomas! Bring the balloons!"

As Dipper watched, a third humanoid animal approached. This one appeared to be a tan goat, horns and all, but unlike Mordecai and Rigby, he wore human clothes- just a simple t-shirt, pants, and shoes. He carried a few red water balloons in his arms.

At the sight of the balloons, Dipper felt a strange wave of surprise. "Seriously? Water balloons? This is your method of torture?"

Rigby raised an eyebrow. "But these were the main weapons in the Prank Wars."

Dipper found himself smiling. "That's just ridiculous. Hate to break it to you, guys, but getting me wet won't get you any information from me, nor will it reveal I'm a spy, because- surprise!- I'm not. Now will you _please_ let me go? I have to take my sister home."

Mordecai was obviously one for listening to reason. He shoved Rigby off Dipper and helped him up. "Sorry about that."

Dipper noticed that, standing up, Rigby was as tall as him, not a millimeter taller. He was about to respond when he realized, once again, that they were animals.

He backed up a bit, and Mabel jumped up from behind the golf cart.

_Oh, boy,_ Dipper thought. _Here it comes._

Mabel walked toward Rigby, who had his back to her. She slowly put a hand out and stroked the raccoon's outstretched tail.

"Whoa!" she said, obviously enticed.

Rigby whirled around in surprise. "What was that all about?"

Mabel shrugged. "I don't know, I've just never met talking animals before!" She walked over to Thomas and touched one of his horns, then approached Mordecai and felt his chest. "You're so smooth and fluffy!"

"Uh, thanks," Mordecai said. "But what do you mean you've never met talking animals before?"

"Animals don't generally function the way humans do," Dipper said.

Mordecai winced. "So is it bad that we're bringing over a gumball machine, yeti, lollipop man, ghost, robin, and a mole?"

Dipper's pupils shrunk to tiny black specks. _"Oh_ no."


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, I know I said there wouldn't be any updates for this until Troubled Waters was finished, but I think I can do a few more chapters until then.**

**Don't hold your breath, though.**

* * *

Chapter 3

Benson was confused.

He had been speeding down the freeway toward Gravity Falls in the truck with Skips, Pops, Muscle Man, and Hi-Five Ghost when he received a call from his second least favorite employee.

He groaned. "It's Mordecai."

"Ooooh!" Pops said. "Change it to the speaker setting!"

Benson put it on speaker, and Mordecai's voice rang out.

"Benson!" he yelled. "Ok, remember how we were gonna go to that business meeting to pick up that thing for the park?"

"Yes..." he replied warily.

"Change of plans- you have to come to 502 Gopher Road! It's important!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Mordecai, we don't have time for-"

"It's really important!" he repeated. "I don't have time to explain now, but I will later!"

"Wait-"

"Just trust me!" With that, he hung up.

Mordecai's last words continued to ring in Benson's ears. _Just trust me._ He had recently learned to trust the two biggest slackers on the park payroll, but changing business plans? That was a different thing entirely.

"Benson?" HFG asked. "What do we do?"

He thought for a moment, then dialed Margaret, who was right behind them in her car with Eileen and Starla, and relayed Mordecai's orders.

After hanging up, he gripped the wheel with both hands and said through clenched teeth, "This had better be good!"

* * *

"Ok," Mordecai said, hanging up, "I told them."

"Cool," Dipper said, looking back at the abandoned superstore. It had been closed recently due to a failed heath inspection. Apparently there had been multiple toppled aisle walls, destruction caused to a lot of merchandise, and scattered trails of salt water taffy. Not to mention a few bobbing skulls with missing batteries. Huh.

"So what now?" Thomas asked. "What happens if someone sees us?"

"Well," Dipper thought aloud, "they'll probably call poison control or animal control. Someone will come to haul you away to the nearest secret government radiation containment unit, where you'll spend the rest of your natural lives being tested on and living in a giant hamster cage."

The three park employees just stared at the young boy in horror.

"Luckily for you, though," Dipper continued, smiling proudly, "Mabel and I are the best we know at avoiding enforcers of the law."

"So..." Rigby said, "you're criminals?"

Dipper's smile faded. "No! We do what we do because the cops in this town are stupid and we'd probably get locked away if we didn't!"

"That's literally what criminals say," Rigby said.

Mordecai punched Rigby in the arm. "Shut up!" He turned to Dipper. "What do you mean by the cops are stupid?"

Dipper looked away uncomfortably, and Mordecai could tell it was a sore subject. "Well, you don't have to tell us... if you don't want to."

"Oh, come on now." Mabel stepped forward. "They're stupid because they're either too distracted with something pointless to actually enforce the law or they try to arrest someone for a stupid reason like excessive giggling. And I've been there."

"Excessive giggling," Rigby laughed.

"Also, there was the time when we almost got locked away in DC forever," Dipper added. "We accidentally uncovered the 8 1/2th president and the cops were less than pleased."

Thomas frowned. "Wait... 8 1/2?"

"Sir Lord Quentin Trembley III, Esquire," Dipper said. "Yeah. He's the one who founded this town."

Thomas looked at Mordecai and shook his head. Mordecai shrugged and said to Dipper, "Well that sounds... fun."

Dipper noticed Mordecai's tone and realized something. "You don't believe me."

Rigby interrupted Mordecai with a brief and simple "No. Not really."

Mabel stepped forward. "Well, I bet _you've_ never done anything like discovering a secret president!"

Rigby stepped forward too. "We totally have! We fought off a secret cult of VCR-oholics!"

"Did _you_ fight off evil wax figures?"

"Did _you_ win a drag race with unicorns?"

"Did _you_ barely escape a crazy old man with a love for pyrotechnics?"

"Stop!" Mordecai jumped between the two of them and faced the twins. "Look, guys, we totally respect that you're trying to make the most of your time here, but leave paranormal stuff to the adults, ok?"

"You saw that thing back there!" Dipper yelled. "We aren't making this up!"

"It was probably after us! That tends to happen!"

Dipper was about to yell what would have been a staggering retort, but then he stopped. He closed his eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Well," he said, spreading his arms, "I guess you're right. We can let the _adults_ handle that stuff." He turned to his sister. "Come on, Mabel, let's bail."

He winked at her quickly, and she caught on.

"But oh no, the cart's busted!" she said. "What now?"

Dipper pulled out his size-altering flashlight and waved it at her. "How about this?" He shrunk the cart, turned it upright with one hand, and returned it to its normal size.

The twins climbed in the cart. Dipper, well aware of the employees staring at him, started the engine and said to an amazed Mordecai, "Have fun with the government!"

"Wait!"

Dipper looked back at the short raccoon who had spoken.

"We're sorry for doubting you! We underestimated you two!"

The Pines boy turned off the engine and climbed out. "Thank you. Wow, that was oddly satisfying."

Mordecai smirked. "I know, right? Rigby has to apologize to me all the time. I'm kind of used to it, but it still feels good."

_"Stop talking!"_ Rigby yelled. "It doesn't happen all the time!"

"Psh, whatever," Mordecai said. "So what now?"

"I'm guessing," Thomas said, pointing at the street where a white truck and car were pulling up, "we should wait for the others."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Skips was surprised to see that Mordecai, Rigby, and Thomas had already met someone in Gravity Falls. They were only children, brother and sister by the look of it. Maybe twins. They didn't look like much, but Skips sensed something strange in them.

He sensed it in the boy first. Compassion. Bravery. Wits.

Then he sensed the girl. Strength. Determination. And was that... glitter?

Suddenly he realized Benson was snapping his fingers in his face. "Skips?"

Skips sat up with a jolt. "Huh?"

"We're here, Skips." Benson and the others got out, leaving Skips alone.

The yeti rubbed his forehead. "I haven't had a headache _that_ big since..." He pushed the thought aside and got out to join the group.

As he skipped over to the three park employees, he heard Benson say, "So why are we here, exactly?"

The boy climbed up onto the roof of what looked like a golf cart, but it wasn't the park's. His sister joined him, and he started. He introduced his sister as Mabel and himself as Dipper. He continued on, explaining that Gravity Falls was different from the city they were from, and how the fact that most of them weren't human wasn't going to sit well with the citizens of the town. He said that since the superstore behind him was shut down, they could stay there until he and Mabel found a solution.

"Now," Dipper finalized, "are there any questions?"

Skips saw Muscle Man raise a hand, and he silently prayed for Dipper that Muscle Man wouldn't ask an embarrassing question.

"What kind of a name is Dipper?"

Skips sighed mentally, turning to the boy to see his reaction. Dipper surprisingly didn't take offense to this; he answered a question with a question. "Sorry, I didn't catch your name. What was it?"

Silence, then, "Muscle Man."

Dipper instantly replied, "Well, I applaud you. You've obviously been given that nickname because you work out so hard, you turn green. Congratulations!"

There were a few stickers in the crowd, including those of Muscle Man.

"Any _legitimate_ questions?" the boy asked.

A red hand- or wing- was raised. "How are we getting in?"

"Good question. Mabel," he said, turning to his sister, "will you assist me, please?"

The twins hopped down and walked to the glass doors. Skips saw Dipper pull a bronze key from his vest pocket, insert it into the lock, and unlock the door. The twins each pulled a door open, and Dipper said, "Like that."

Rigby's eyes widened. "Not criminals, huh?"

Dipper looked away.

Mordecai walked in and said, "Thanks, guys."

"No problem." The twins held the door open as the group walked through, introducing themselves on the way in. When Skips introduced himself, Mabel smiled. "I like that name, Skips."

Skips returned the smile. "Thanks."

After the last person walked in- a large headed man named Pops- the twins followed, closing the doors behind them.

* * *

Dipper walked ahead, and Mabel would have been left alone if Rigby hadn't walked back her.

"Does that guy ever smile?" he asked her, obviously talking about her brother.

She waved a hand in a _so-so_ gesture. "Rarely. He's really serious, like, all the time."

"He'll get along with Skips and Benson great, then," he replied.

"Why?" she asked. "They don't seem all that serious."

"They're probably the most serious people I've ever met," he said, then added in a hushed voice, "Being immortal and a grouch will do that to you."

He then realized Mabel was staring at him, and he smiled nervously. She smiled back, and they both spontaneously started rapping: "We do stuff that would make you think you're delirious! And we hang with guys that are just too serious! Ohhhhh!"

The group looked back at them, and they both said, "Sorry, guys."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Candy and Grenda were seriously bored.

Ever since the incident with the Summerween Trickster, not much had really amused them. Nothing says "reality check" like a life-threatening candy monster.

They decided to look around town for Dipper and Mabel. Somehow something weird always happened when the twins were around. So they hopped on their bikes and rode around in search of their best friend... and best friends' brother.

About ten minutes into their search, they crossed paths with Wendy.

"Hey, guys," said the redhead. "What are you doing?"

"We're looking for Dipper and Mabel!" Grenda explained excitedly.

"You too, huh?"

"You're looking for them too?" Candy asked.

"Yep," she answered. "This town is the pits without those two. They bring the excitement up to an eleven."

"You had a lethal and paranormal experience with them too?" Grenda guessed.

Wendy nodded sheepishly. "Convenience store ghosts."

Candy beckoned Wendy toward herself. "Get on the train, sister."

* * *

After literally searching the entire town- not to say it was a difficult task- the trio stopped to take a break.

"We've checked everywhere!" Candy groaned. "We're never going to find them."

"Hey, look at that," Wendy said, pointing.

Gompers came trotting up the dirt path toward the girls.

"Gompers!" Candy and Grenda hopped off their bikes to pet the tan-pelted goat.

"Man, this little guy just pops up everywhere," Wendy said.

Gompers bleated urgently. He softly bit on Candy's skirt and pulled.

"He wants us to go with him!" Grenda mounted her bike. "Lead the way, Gompers!"

The goat took off running, and the girls sped off after him. After a few minutes, they arrived in front of the Summerween Superstore. The girls walked their bikes through the parking lot, Gompers trotting along in front of them. As they approached the store, Candy saw a crowd of people through the glass doors.

"It looks like a bunch of anthropomorphic animals." She turned back to face the other girls. "This is definitely the right place."

* * *

"So what's your plan?" Mordecai asked. "You do have a plan, don't you?"

Dipper closed his eyes. "Of course I have a plan. You might not like it, though."

"Lay it on me."

"Ok." Dipper took a deep breath, took Volume 3 out of his vest, and flipped through a few pages. "I'm going to have to turn you into humans."

"What?!" yelled nine people in the room.

"I warned you."

"It's not permanent, right?" asked the blue jay frantically.

"Like I would do that," Dipper responded. "It's only for as long as you're in Gravity Falls."

"All right. That's better... I guess."

Dipper faced the crowd. "Is everyone ok with that?"

Benson stepped forward. "Of course not! Do you honestly think we're going to put our lives in the hands of two 9-year-olds?!"

Dipper frowned. "Ok, first of all, we're twelve. There's quite a difference, as yo would know if you'd ever met Gideon."

"Gid-?"

"Second, we're only trying to help. Plus, it's not like you're going to get a better offer from poison control."

There were quite a few "Ooooooh"s from the crowd. Benson looked around sheepishly, then sighed. "Fine. It won't hurt, will it?"

"I have no idea," Dipper answered. "But you'll be the first to know, I suppose. Also, it can't be any worse than what you'd get from-"

"Poison control, we get it," Benson snapped.

"Oh, so it _did_ get across!"

Benson glared.

"Ok, ok, I'll start. But one more thing," Dipper added. "Muscle Man and Starla, go stand out of the way over by Mabel."

"Fine. Come on, Star. Later, grandmas!"

"Ok, now we can start." Dipper looked down at Volume 3 and called out, _"Ego praecipio tibi in hendrerit in corporibus animalium, simplicibus, et mortuus est. In luce ambulamus sicut et in hac terra homines, et libera me more!"_

Suddenly, light flooded the room, engulfing the nine non-human people before him. After what seemed like forever, the light faded, and steam took its place.

"Did-" Mordecai stopped to cough. "Did it work?"

After Dipper's eyes adjusted, he looked through the steam and grinned. "I think so."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A tall young man with blue eyes and spiky/messy blue hair stepped forward. He wore a blue hoodie with two white rings on the wrists, black jeans, and blue shoes. A portion of hair on the back of his head was a dark blue, and hanging from the back of his jeans were three blue feathers on a chain.

The man looked himself over, then said in awe, "Holy crap, dude. This is freaky, yet strangely intriguing."

"I thought the exact same thing," Dipper agreed. "If you really concentrate, your outfit does still make you look like a bird, but most of the people in this town are too stupid to notice."

"I can relate." Mordecai looked back at a short man with brown hair and brown eyes. He wore a striped brown shirt, brown pants, and brown shoes, and a raccoon tail hung from his pants on a chain.

"At least I don't look like I still have fur!" Rigby whined.

"That's because you didn't have any legitimate body hair to begin with."

"Stop talking!"

An older man stepped up to them. He had pink hair and black eyes. He wore metallic-looking silver and red jacket, gray pants, gray shoes, and a strange hat that looked surprisingly like a lid to a gumball machine.

"Guys," Benson said, "stop fighting. We don't have time."

Dipper scanned the crowd to look for changes. Pops looked very similar to his previous self. His head was smaller, and he actually had hair on his head.

Skips was wearing a white t-shirt and the same jeans as before. He had green eyes, and white hair that was surprisingly similar in shape to Dipper's.

Muscle Man and Starla, needless to say, looked the same.

HFG looked completely different. He had messy white hair and light gray eyes, and he was almost as short as Rigby. He wore a cream-colored hoodie with a five on it, beige cargo shorts, and white shoes.

Margaret wore a longsleeved red shirt under her Fist Pump t-shirt. Other than that, she looked pretty much the same, minus the feathers and beak.

Eileen looked almost exactly like she had previously. If you gave her back the fur and tail, she'd be back to normal.

But none of the people in the group looked as strange as Thomas. He had vivid cyan eyes, curly tan hair that fell down to cover his forehead, and a decent-sized goatee. He wore his regular jeans, but his shirt was a vest, and underneath was a yellow-brown windbreaker.

"Dude, Thomas," Mordecai said, "what's with the layers?"

The intern shrugged. "Fur winter coat, I guess?"

"But it's the middle of summer," Dipper pointed out.

"And goats don't get fur coats," Mabel added.

"And you didn't have one to begin with," Margaret agreed.

"Hey, you asked," Thomas argued. "I have as much an idea as you."

"So now what?" Eileen asked. "Didn't you guys have a thing to pick up for the park?"

"That's right," Benson agreed.

"I'll go start up the truck, Benson." Mordecai started to leave and was almost at the door when three younger girls and a small goat beat him to it.

"Oh," said a tall redheaded girl. "Sorry. We were just looking for- hey, weren't you, like, a blue jay a minute ago?"

Mordecai stiffened, not knowing how to answer. He hadn't even left the building yet and his cover had been blown.

Then she laughed. "Nah, it's cool. If you're with the Pines twins, you have nothing to worry about. That also means you're a good guy. I'm Wendy, and this is Candy and Grenda."

"Hello," said the other, smaller girls. Then they ran off into the store with the goat, leaving the duo.

"I'm Mordecai."

"Mordecai?" she asked. "That's Hebrew, right? Means warrior and all that?"

"Uh, probably," he said. This girl was really cool.

"Well, I have to got talk with the twins. Nice meeting you."

And just like that- she was gone.

A few minutes later, the group left to go pick up the package. Everybody walked outside- well, almost everybody.

Dipper and Thomas were about to leave when Gompers trotted up and rubbed against Dipper's leg.

"Oh, hey, Gompers," Dipper said, rubbing his head. Thomas just stared at Gompers uncomfortably.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dipper asked. He looked back and forth between the two, then laughed. "Oh, I get it. Ha."

Thomas cracked a smile. This kid was all right.

The three looked outside at Mabel comparing Pops' new head size with his old one.

"Is she always like that?" Thomas asked.

Thomas expected Dipper to answer, but instead Gompers looked up at Thomas and said, "You have no idea."

Once Thomas got over his initial shock, they all walked out to join the others.

* * *

**I bet none of you saw it coming that Gompers can talk! Ha!**

**ANYway, I just want to clarify that despite the exchange between them, there will be no romance between Wendy and Mordecai. Hopefully you guys could have figured that on your own, considering that would be just plain weird.**

**Although now that I think about it, Wendy and Cloudy Jane _were_ voiced by the same person... nah, still not happening.**


End file.
